It's cold outside, it's cold in here
I wish to death I could pull you nearer

I painted over my heart's scars
And wrapped the mending so you couldn't see
Because I'm too scared of seeming needy
To tell you what I need

When Inspired/Rhymish the Rhyming Sparkle

{since Mom wanted it.}

When Inspired

When one is sung to faintly, softly from
Behind the mind, a wordless echo gleams
It's called Inspired, shining, write me down
And so I will a thousand times again
Inspired, you inspire phrases, songs
Melodious souls do not go unsung
You inspire flowers blooming endless
You inspire clouds that, weightless, follow
The wind, unnoticed, unlike you, so seen
By heaven's stars, inspired to trace their dreams
Behold this dream, you are inspiration.


{DEDICATED IN LOVING LOVE TO MY RHYMISH TRIPLET FRIEND}

Rhymish the Rhyming Sparkle

Why, my Rhymish, must you be so shiny?
Call that boy what silly names you Will, but
I am certain you are far more sparkly.
He's just some guy with a cute sister.
Sarah fails to rhyme with you and I, but
She is still a rhymish faker sometimes.
Rhymish, when you are a fairy princess,
Since that is what all Rhymishesturn in to,
I will make sure you are always wearing
The prettiest, shiniest, sparkliest fairy princess tiara that ever lived,
Plus some chocolate cake just for good measure.

Muted

The frost-muted grass surrounds them
I swear, there were leaves there yesterday
The branches are dropping their burdens
And harsh breezes take them away

The cloud-muted sky stays gone longer
Lingering on the other side
And the wind runs freely and heartlessly
Becoming less hesitant a night at a time

Muted, I suffer from nothing to say
Faded, I'm threadbare, but dying this way
Wordless, I'm helpless with all the world freezing
Run down and shut out and wishing you'd hear me

Words are all muted inside me
Held back by the autumn chill
Don't betray me to loneliness
Like the trees betrayed the fallen leaves

Tempt the years to pass us by
Because I'll be myself in a year
You only say you care
Because you've never seen


For all the days and all the nights
And all the fears and all the fights
My heart against my reason

My limits against my dreams
Carry me into the sky
We're heart to heart and eye to eye
Your hands to hold me heavenward
My fear to keep me trembling
You're everything I'm scared to try and be

Goodnight for the last time in forever and a day
Dream, and when you wake we can think about the plane
But for now we can forget and be entangled in this instant
Forging memories from coffee mugs and paper cranes and words
That never capture exactly what we want to say
But wrap our minds in such a warmth that we know anyway

Our favorite songs are playing again
And they make me want to dance again
And hear the laughter of friends again
In the bright light of moonlit trails again

Atelophobia

[A nice fragment. It even has a name already. I'm on top of things. Atelophobia, by the way, is the fear of imperfection. I might change it, because that's not quite the phobia I'm looking for. I'm not sure though, yet, since I don't really know where the song will go. I think this part is going to be a bridge, so it could go pretty much anywhere from here.]

For all the days and all the nights
And all the fears and all the fights
My heart against my reason
My limits against my dreams
Carry me into the sky
We're heart to heart and eye to eye
Your hands to hold me heavenward
My fear to keep me trembling
You're everything I'm scared to try and be

The Day Jamison Fell

[revisions and additions make the world of songwriting go 'round...]

tDJF

Maybe we're just naive here on the dimmer grass
But we never saw it coming, never heard you running
And we never felt you lying, though that's all you ever did
But love means you trust, at least on the dimmer grass

You fell into the hole you'd been digging
The one that no one recognized
So you burned, and I burned, and I never ran
Because that's how we love here on the dimmer grass

I hope you're doing okay over on the brighter grass
Because it's darker over here, it's harder over here
To love like we loved and to feel without fear
I hope love means you're free over on the brighter grass
But have you forgotten who you left here on the dimmer grass?

You fell into the hole you'd been digging
The one that no one recognized
So you burned, and I burned, and I never ran
Because that's how we love here on the dimmer grass

You fell into the hole you'd been digging
My trust as the ground, your shovel being your lies
You fell into my grave you'd been digging
But not before you buried me alive

I would have stood by you until we fell
But I didn't expect you to push me down
Maybe we're just naive on the dimmer grass
But I'd have taken it for you if you'd only asked

On Adriana's Behalf

[Hooray for little tiny revisions!]

You're running toward anything but reminders
Because that's all this house is
Picture frames and calling names
And your family's judgmental glances
At your child that will always be
The one that should have never been

Don't close your eyes and let her go
She's a little girl in a grown-up world

You're running toward anything but sanctity
Because that's all these liars are
Don't dare back down, they stare you down
And you stare right back until they give up on you
Because they scorn you for why she's here
And they scorn her for who you are

But she's beautiful, and you love her so
But you're a little girl in a grown-up world
With a little girl held in your arms
And you have to learn that you were wrong


[Here's something I decided to work on for a bridge. I can't tell if it stinks at this point.]

She doesn't care about hypocrisy
It's you and me, you and me, she screams
She doesn't care about the bitter enemies
Are you listening? It's you and me, she screams
She'll never laugh, never cry, never live, never die
If you can't be nothing and everything at the same time
You hate the world because it says she's your fault
So prove them wrong

The Last Five Years in Chronological Order

The Last Five Years in Chronological Order

Hello again
Where've you been?
That's wonderful, it's wonderful
I'll see you soon
This afternoon
Is wonderful, it's wonderful

A hundred days
A million ways
It's wonderful, it's wonderful
Words unsaid
Skip in my head
You're wonderful, you're wonderful

Pages, phrases, moving, everything
Is breaking, taking it's time in
Making itself into now
As now constantly moves along

Lowered eyes
I can't suffice
You're wonderful, you're wonderful
These paper dreams
Oh, it seems
You're wonderful, you're wonderful

I'm just so small
With dreams so tall
You're wonderful, you're wonderful
Pride and joy
Go get 'em, boy
You're wonderful, you're wonderful

And I can't understand
But I'll try to believe
Because you believe in me
And I can't come today
Maybe tomorrow
And that's okay, that's okay with me

Look at me
What do you see?
'You're beautiful', I'm beautiful
I'll count the moments
Hold them all
They're beautiful, you're wonderful

Hello again
Where've we been?
You're wonderful, you're wonderful
I love you too
This afternoon
Is wonderful, it's wonderful

You're wonderful, you're wonderful

Only the dark grows
Circling the windows
As stars gaze and I gaze
I'm circling the unknown

I can handle my blatant lack of understanding
But I'm tired of pretending I'm okay with this
If forever is a choice we make
Promise me forever will pull through

On Adriana's Behalf

[For some reason my grammar was really, really bad in the last version, and I have no idea what came over me. Heh.]

You're running toward anything but reminders
Because that's all this house is
Picture frames and calling names
And your family's judgmental glances
At your child that will always be
The one that should have never been

Don't close your eyes and let her go
She's a little girl in a grown-up world

You're running toward anything but sanctity
Because that's all these liars are
They stare you down, you hit the ground
And you stare right back until they give up on you
Because they scorn you for why she's here
And they scorn her for who you are

But she's beautiful, and you love her so
But you're a little girl in a grown-up world
With a little girl held in your arms
And you have to learn that you were wrong

On Adriana's Behalf

[So, Jason told me to name this backwards so that it would be all cryptic, but it looked silly, so I'll save the backward names for another song. This is a rough somethingorother that I just wrote on a whim. Like all my other songs. Haha. It's about a combination of people, so don't get too excited if you get ideas.]

Your running toward anything but reminders
Because that's all this house is
Picture frames and calling names
And your families judgmental glances
At your child that will always be
The one that should have never been

Don't close your eyes and let her go
She's a little girl in a grown-up world

I was totally supposed to have this done already...

[Ben and I are competing to see who can write a better song around these two lines. I procrastinated and now I have less than 24 hours to do it.]


Some say you're ignorant while I call you naive
Truth is hidden because you're still too innocent to think
Some say you're pitiful while I think you're just wrong
Feeling sorry only gives you reason to lie a sadder song

You revolve around broken promises
Around planets that were never there

You've been fed these lies since you were young
And now you've grown and you don't know what's wrong
When you grow up in the garden all you know are it's fruits

Dearest (Tulips and Roses)

Dearest (Tulips and Roses) [first draft]

Stumbled upon my ignorance today
Broken news shattered my grasp
Of what was everything that we thought
And you still think it, and it's not in me to ask

Don't worry dearest
I thought he loved you too

Stumbled upon my cowardice today
I'm scared, and that's wrong, because scared means you're weak
But you walk like you're aware while I know you're not
He's found something else and he's left you alone
And he didn't even know

Don't worry dearest
I thought he loved you too

The things that happen every day
Are the ones that I'm scared to face
And the words that no one ever wants to speak
Are what has to happen every day
Tomorrow I'll say what I know today

Don't worry dearest
I thought he loved you too

Dearest, today you're not the one
He's gone, he's gone
Dearest, today you're not the one
And it breaks me to break it like this

[Edit: For the record, this song clocked in at over 6 minutes on my last recording. That's called booyah.]

You know you don't care
I know you're not there
Don't put on a face as if I'm looking to find it
Do all that you can
And pretend you're a man
You have no idea how much I wish you'd just love

While you keep it together I'm going to pretend that I don't care that you don't care
While you keep it together
While I watch you fall apart

Undefined

I hate not knowing what this is
And wishing things I shouldn't wish
I hate feeling so undefined
But it's not going away

I'm growing tired of writing songs
Because you only play along
As if these words are undefined
And my heart went away

Forgive my apathy
It keeps myself from showing
Because big girls never cry
And strength means you act like you're fine

Tears don't fall but I'm sure I'm crying
I've never been the one to say I'm not okay
I guess I should have known that I'm the only one that knows
I'll just lie and say that I don't want to talk about it

A nice little thing of somethingness.

You know you don't care
I know you're not there
Don't put on a face as if I'm looking to find it
Do all that you can
And pretend you're a man
You have no idea how much I wish you'd just love

While you keep it together I'm going to pretend that I don't care that you don't care

Sorry my perception of you got the brunt of it

I looked down like the ones that looked down on me
My heart spoke of everything I'd never want to be
And I felt the dark of those who became my scars
I'm just like them

I won't give up on me if you don't

I always end up sorry
Because I'm just like all my nightmares
I always end by falling
Because I'm too weak to break myself
But I really see you so much brighter than I let on
So I'm sorry because I'm only everything that scares me

I like this better.

[The thing about writing a song to go with a title is that it could go almost anywhere. It's cool, but annoying. You have all this power, you could take it anywhere you want, but it takes sooooooo long. *laugh* Also, I'm sort of overwriting, like I did with Jamison. So yeah. Have at it.]

You feel the way you want to feel
And you live the way you want to live
You are the real-life movie star
Living out everyone else's dreams

You see everything in technicolor and every word is a screenplay
You're the star even though you don't always shine
And every time you ever held a hand you knew exactly how it went
Because you had written it in your mind

Be careful what you wish for
You cried out for the world to be your stage
But you never said it had to stop
So it turned you into a walking, talking dream

It the romance of it all really worth it
When your dreams come true along with nightmares
And you live out your hopes along with your fears?
Did you get what you wanted after all?

Just Because I'm Not In The School Play Doesn't Mean I Can't Still Be Dramatic (first draft)

[so, this is a bit of an experiment. The title is the genius of my friend Ben. I'm attempting to write something a little bit silly to go with it, but not without having a point *laugh* I don't like it yet, so don't be too disappointed in me.]

I've heard the stories, I've told the lies
I've passed it on as a fear in disguise
You make your point when you turn on your heel
And I hear the next day all about how you feel

Sorry to hurt your feelings, love
That's just how it goes sometimes
You know how I am, don't expect too much
I only spoke my mind

Singing, I know what you did last year
Making sure you feel the fear
I will leave no one untold
And you will watch it all unfold
And nothing more

Runaway

Will you ever see, you're just hurting me?
But we're oh, oh, oh so good at hurting
Will you ever feel, I swear this is real
You're just oh, oh, oh, so good at running
Little disbelieving runaway

Little run away child, do you know what you're running from?
Do you even know your feet are moving and the air is thinning?
Down you go, around you spin, it's a fun little spiral
But really only for you, since we're all praying you'd catch on

The Day Jamison Fell (semi-final draft, I think)

[It's definitely slimmed down, but it's better, I think]

It's surprising how easily it slips your mind
But I remember that day as if the fault was mine

Maybe we're just naive here on the dimmer grass
But we never saw it coming, never heard you running
And we never felt you lying, though that's all you ever did
But love means you trust, at least on the dimmer grass

You fell into the hole you'd been digging
The one that no one recognized
So you burned, and I burned, and I never ran
Because that's how we love here on the dimmer grass

You fell into the hole you'd been digging
My trust as the ground, your shovel being your lies
You fell into my grave you'd been digging
But not before you buried me alive

I would have stood by you until we fell
But I didn't expect you to push me down
Maybe we're just naive on the dimmer grass
But I'd have taken it for you if you'd only asked

The Day Jamison Fell (one and a halfth draft... *laugh*)

[I can't decide if this is a second draft or just a revised first draft. Maybe they're the same. Haha. I don't know.]

Dearest, I write this for you again
As a constant reminder of the pitiful end
For the hundredth time, because you'll never care
So I never bothered to tell you

Maybe we're just naive here on the dimmer grass
But we never saw it coming, never heard you running
And we never felt you lying, though that's all you ever did
But love means you trust, at least on the dimmer grass

We promised so much to your care

You put the diamonds in a box and dug until it melted
All the while saying you'd keep it safe, you promised you'd keep me safe

I begged to be a sentiment
I begged to be anything at all
And you promised until you knew I'd trust
And you swore until I thought you couldn't fall
But you fell and you tore me down with you

I sing, but you'll never listen again
I speak, but you never believed a word I said
I live, but I'll never earn another glance
You can't swallow enough to ask for a second chance

You fell into the hole you'd been digging
The one that no one recognized
So you burned, and I burned, and I never ran
Because that's how we love here on the dimmer grass

You fell into the hole you'd been digging
My trust as the ground, your shovel being your lies
You fell into my grave you'd been digging
But not before you buried me alive

I would have stood by you until we fell
But I didn't expect you to push me down
Maybe we're just naive on the dimmer grass
But I'd have taken it for you if you'd only asked

I don't care if you see the error of your ways
If you refuse to face up to the horror I faced

The Day Jamison Fell

I'd accept the apology, but you and I both know that it wasn't for me
I'd pretend to start over, but you know I gave you too much
I'd take it all back, but you buried it behind the lies
Put the diamonds in a box and dug until it melted
All the while saying you'd keep it safe, you promised you'd keep me safe

I begged to be a sentiment
I begged to be anything at all
And you promised until you knew I'd trust
And you swore until I thought you couldn't fall
But you fell and you tore me down with you

I sing, but you'll never listen again
I speak, but you never believed a word I said
I live, but I'll never earn another glance
You'll die before you ask for a second chance

Was the heat just too much for you, dearest?
Because you broke down and dove down
Into the hole that you dug for me without ever knowing why
And I just had to burn along side you
But that's how we love here on the dimmer grass

I would have stood by you until we fell
But I didn't expect you to push me down

I don't care if you see the error of your ways
If you refuse to face up to the horror I faced



[I like some of what I have going with this one. I'm going to work with it, I think. Give it more structure and see if I can maybe make it rhyme more. Thoughts would be appreciated.]

I think it's kind of bizarre... but I don't really know if that's good or bad yet...

Storms can't be helped, we just get rained on until we drown
Drown in everything that promises never to reveal itself
If you drown, take me with you and I'll swallow what I can
But I'm not making promises

Be careful what you wish for
You cried out for the world to be your stage
But you never said it had to stop
Be careful what you wish for, my beautiful drowning prince

Hmmm... let's see where we can take this...

Lock the door, lock your heart
Lock away everything you are
In a box that only we can see
So no one ever knows
Step away, step back, step down
Make it seem as if it counts
They see everything you're not
And I see what no one knows

They only love you because they can't see
They only smile because they're so naive
But you're not an angel, you're the monster
Leading all the angels on

I am the shadows, the demons, the ringing in your ears
I am the silence that convinces you you're not worthy to hear
I am the breaker of the bones that keep you standing on your own
I am everything you're running from, every fear you think you know
I am the poison that is running through your heart
I am the liar, the pretender that is tearing you apart
I am the one who laughs at you when your tears hit the floor
Because you never understood that you had everything and more

[So, I'm pretty sure some of this really sucks, but it was an idea, so I went for it. *shrug* Such is the life of a songwriter.]

Random? Perhaps. Decent? We'll see.

All alone in the dark
Singing softly to your heart
Because Heaven won't take you
And you're just not on speaking terms
Hopefully you'll regain hope
Until tomorrow makes you cope
With all of your faithless loose ends
My dear, when will you ever learn?

You cannot go on, so scream your song to all the others like you
You only live to die, you crucify the love that I try to show
You are all that's left of the ones who left you

-----

But big girls don't cry
And strength means you act like you're fine


-----


And I will never understand the way you look at me

See the clouds that dragons live in
Save me from the monsters in the playground
Run away laughing from you as you chase me
Pray that you never stop, please never stop


-----

I Am The Post Script


-----


I'm just getting really tired of wishing on airplanes

-----

I promised myself we meant forever
And I held to that as if you said it yourself
But I don't know if I'm strong enough now

Keep it together, keep it together, keep it together
I'm so sorry

Airplane Wishes (first draft)

Point the camera just to make you smile
Speak just because I know you're listening
Pray that I don't get too carried away
We couldn't have that, now could we?
Wish on airplanes because the stars are broken
Listen to all the songs that know what I mean
My head is tired of hearing it all
So I'll turn it into words I can sing

I'll tell you everything that went on
And I will sing you every single song
And I know you'd save me from a thousand fears
If only you were here

If we ruled the world and controlled all the minds
And got everything I wanted and you wanted that too
And you rescued me from everything that ever touched me
Would we ever know what we're learning